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After These Messages We'll Be Right Back

Thursday, January 26, 2006 by Geoff

I was jonezin' for this, do you remember? If you are my age or around my age, 24, you must remember ABC's Saturday morning cartoons. Yes? Well, I'm not talking about the cartoons, I'm talking about the bumpers, bumpers are little clips that appear between the show and commercials. During ABC's Saturday morning heyday, say 87 to 91ish they had this really cool claymation bumpers. I found one online, it's the one with the cowboy. Enjoy.

The Undead Wed

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 by Geoff


Today, the president signed a landmark bill legalizing Zombie marriages. Many are livid, plenty are dead.

In 1968, Zombies, as a group came into the public eye. They were no longer an "underground" community, they were no longer in the casket; they were here, and they were dead. Many people were fearful of Zombies, their life style was horrifying. Yet, almost 40 years later many people still feel the same way. Zombies, today, still are shunned and face many predjudice in society.

Many "living" people justify their prejudice towards Zombies citing that they, "just don't agree with their way of life."

In case you were born "dedrater," the Zombie lifestyle includes, but is not limited to: Night walking, moaning and groaning, alternative fashion, and flesh and brain eating.

Many people disagree with said lifestyle, the biggest and most vocal opposers are religious groups, they are pissed off about the legalization of Zombie marriages. Rob Paterson, leader of the Christian Right Alliance Party for Being Aligned with God, or CRAPBAG, says "The passing of this new bill is one of the greatest travesties the living human race has every faced; worse than the holocaust." He added, "Allowing Zombies to marry is a disgrace, we might as well punch God in his beautiful porcelain-white face. We shall surely see some scourging due to his anger in the form of natural nature occurrences, such as: tsunami's, hurricanes, earthquakes, heavy rain, and loud thunder. Mark my words."

Sidenote: Mr. Paterson attempted to quote the bible to prove God's disapproval of Zombies, but he could not find such a verse. Instead, the CRAPBAG leader said, "Those damn dirty Zombies!" Somewhat quoting the motion picture "Planet of the Apes."

Although, the Zombie community faces much opposition, they do have many supporters. Zombie activist, George Romero, stated "Zombies are people, just like you and me. Their lifestyle is as natural as waking up in the morning. Zombies are born Zombies, or (they) have their brains eaten and become Zombies. No one chooses to be a Zombie, who would choose to be hated?"

At the end of the day Zombies can marry, yet Zombies won't be loved. This community of the "undead" will still face hardships in the future, but possibly, with the passing of this bill, we are slowly witnessing the acceptance and approval of Zombies and their lifestyle.

-Staff Writer


Lost is found. The best theory to date.

by Geoff

Most Lost theories, and there are many, are total crap, but this is by far the best and most thought out one IĆ¢??ve seen so far.

Another link to the same page incase the other one doesn't work.

read more | digg story

Odd Things at My Place of Employment

Monday, January 23, 2006 by Geoff

This post was inspired an hour ago, by my last trip to the bathroom.
Heeeere we go (c) Slick Rick.

Ok. I have to number 1, I head to the closest urinal, in the closest men's room, which at my work is populated by the weirdest, creepiest, and dirtiest men, the g-o-d has allowed to roam the earth. You say, "Geoff it can't be that bad." Oh, its THAT bad.

As soon as I enter the sheit hole, I can tell someone is making use of their sheithole; one the stench, two I can see their feet. I dash over to the unrinal making sure I hold my breath, with my mouth shut, I don't want to smell or eat the offensive stench. As I prepare to make use of said urinal I hear whispering coming from the only occupied stall. I pee lightly as I try to decipher what is being said. The whispering keeps going and going, it has an almost rhythmic like quality, like a song or a prayer. The toilet flushes, the door opens and it continues. Although I am done, I continued to stand at the vertical wall-pee collector, for I know who the poop-whisperererer is. It is . . .it is . . .Its the creepy dude who trained me during my for two days at this place, its the creepy dude with one short arm, its the creepy dude who has a man-crush on me. No lie he has a man crush, ON ME. My second day working here, march 05', he says to me "Geoff if you aren't doing anything this weekend you should come to my daughters dance recital." For real.

Whenever this t-rexed-armed man passes my cubicle he stares at me hoping, for small talk, a hello, a smile, a nod, acknowledgement, but I give him nothing. He seriously freaks me out. The rare times he does corner me, and I am forced to talk to him, he always loses eye contact with me and I watch him look at me, up and down. He undresses me with his small, beady eyes.

Back to the bathroom.

He is bit of a religious, Jewish. I have Jewish friend I will have to ask, but maybe he was saying a poop-prayer. Maybe he was blessing his crap and asking his yahweh to guide him and his poop in their journeys.

Sirius May Censor Howard Stern

by Geoff

"Don Kaplan of the New York Post writes that "Howard Stern may be coming down with a Sirius case of the bleeps ... High-level executives of the satellite broadcaster are developing an internal standards-and-practices document that will set boundaries for Stern and other shock jocks."

Whole story

I am interested to see what will happen. If they try to censor Howard, I mean other then killing someone or a few other despicable acts, Sirius should not censor. People are paying to hear this. If HBO tried to censor The Sopranos, I'd be pissed. Same applies here. He should just podcast his show from home and charge people.


The name is Geoff. Give me a job. I already have one, but I want something esle.


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