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Radical

Thursday, April 27, 2006 by Geoff

As revealed in the network's May-sweeps schedule, NBC starts wrapping up its TV season on May 7. . .My Name Is Earl and The Office, each with a "supersized" 40-minute episode. . .

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Awesome. Ten extra minutes of The Office is always good.

P.S.
The Office is new tonight.

You Bastards, You Killed Internet!

by Geoff

"Internet companies and consumer groups calling for a new U.S. law that would prohibit broadband providers from blocking or degrading some connections lost a major battle this week when a U.S. House of Representatives committee voted down such a provision.

The House Energy and Commerce Committee, during debate on a telecommunications reform bill, rejected an amendment that would write so-called net neutrality provisions into U.S. law. Backers of a net neutrality law want Congress to prohibit U.S. broadband providers from blocking or slowing their customers' connections to Web sites or services that compete with services offered by the providers. . .

Internet companies including Google and Yahoo, as well as organizations such as the Gun Owners of America, the National Religious Broadcasters, liberal group MoveOn.org, and the Consumers Federation of America, have called for a strong net neutrality law. Backers of a strong net neutrality law say it's needed after the FCC last August deregulated DSL providers, allowing them to no longer share their lines with competitors."


Full Story

Are Too.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006 by Geoff

Matching socks are overrated. You can call me unsophisticated, a simpleton, crude, or boorish -- but the fact still remains, matching socks are not needed, they are nonessential.

I came upon this FACT, not theory, back in 1989. I was attending The Foreign Alliance of Revisional Tacticmatics',FARTM for short, almost-annual convention and award ceremony. That year the bash was being held in Springfield, I was coming from Philly. I missed my flight; after 7 hours of waiting for another plane I decided to hitch a ride. Although illegal in PA; 11 car rides later I arrived at the Porcelain Palace Hotel for the FARTM convention. With 30 minutes to spare I quickly checked into my room, and made a mad dash to the shower.

Time check. I had 10 minutes before the start of the award ceremony. The award ceremony which I was receiving an award at. I couldn't be late. I had my dockers on, my short-sleeve dress shirt on, but I couldn't find any matching socks. As it turns out, my roommate, Yetzel -- a real Swiss from Switzerland -- he pulled the old switch-a-roo. Accidentally of course, he gave me his sock bag, after doing my wash, instead of mine. So, instead of having 15 pairs of beautifully matching American socks. I had 31 individual, unmatching, Swiss socks. If I may . . .in 1921, the soon-to-be-dead Ottoman Empire, like a last gasp of air, a last hoorah if you will, tried to invade Switzerland. Unsuccessful --the Swiss Army defeated the Ottomans with their new found weapon, their army knife. Which, at the time only featured one knife and a corkscrew. So, with the failure of the invasion The Otts decided to win another way. Long story, short. The Ottoman Empire stole one sock from every pair in Switzerland. Leaving the Swiss with no matching socks. Hence, in honor of each and every fallen sock from 1921, the Swiss to this day wear unmatching socks.

So, with a bagful of Swiss socks, and eight minutes to showtime, I did the only thing a person in my position could have done. I put on the friggin' unmatching summamabitches. With those bastard childs on my feet my forehead started to cry. A cold, clammy cry. The room started to get smaller, as if it was a killer compacting room of some evil genius. I sat and started to sob. Flashes of people staring at my feet, pointing and ridiculing, ravaged my delirious mind.

Two hours later. I missed the award ceremony, I missed the chance to accept my award, but that didn't even matter. I was relieved. I had been chit-chatting with people for several minutes, and no one, not even the man with the big eyes noticed my unmatching socks.

And from that day forward I had promised myself never to forget that life lesson: Unmatching socks are okay, they are encouraged. It's all just Snakes on a Plane!

What do you see . . .

by Geoff

Sweet ass Gnarls Barkley video for their song Crazy.

Living Outhouse

Monday, April 24, 2006 by Geoff

*I visited Buffalo, New York, this weekend to witness the first game of the NHL Eastern Conference Quarterfinals. The Philadelphia Flyers versus the Buffalo Sabers. Upon returning from my trip I have come to one conclusion - Buffalo is a horrid city, vile in appearance and reeking of a terrible stench. The only redeemable quality of Buffalo would be the lake effect snow. Fore it suppresses the sight and odor of this disgusting city.

The woman are ugly and corn-fed. The men are moronic and fat. When I arrived I thought I had slipped through some sort of hellish time warp, I thought I was in Europe, circa the Dark ages. Buffalo features no modern amenities. The last use of modern plumbing I saw was the airplane bathroom. To my horrific surprise, Buffalo has no plumbing system, at all, throughout the whole city. Yes, there are outhouses and holes almost every 30 feet - but if you want running water do not get off the plane. The only running water I saw, was water from Lake Erie running of the misshapen backs of the residents of Buffalo after their quadri-annual bath. It was not a sight to see.

I would have posted sooner, but you know, the internet does not do fountain pen and scroll paper.

Buffalo is rampant with pestilence and the bubonic plague. Not only does Lake Erie serve as a bathing area, it also serves as a dump-for-the-dead. Truly gruesome.

While at the game I noticed most of the Sabers fans were lobotomized. They sat there staring and drooling; mumbling as if they were trying to recall and piece together words and sentences. The Saber fan next to me was eating garbage off the floor, I offered a piece of soft pretzel to him. Upon swallowing, he immediately regurgitated the pretzel and vomited all over himself. I guess after years of digesting rotten trash there stomachs cannot handle delicious.

I did have tickets for tonight's game, but my senses couldn't not handle the smells and sights that make up Buffalo. I hope our Flyers return home with the series tied 1-1 and disease free.

LET'S GO FLYERS!

*This post may or maybe not be a work of fiction. Buffalo, New York, may or may not have a bubonic plague crisis.

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The name is Geoff. Give me a job. I already have one, but I want something esle.


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