MC Hammer meets software piracy.

Physicists announced Thursday that they now have the smoking gun that shows the universe went through extremely rapid expansion in the moments after the big bang, growing from the size of a marble to a volume larger than all of observable space in less than a trillion-trillionth of a second.

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That's what I over heard this morning while two middle aged women discussed rap.

If only they knew.

In other news my friend Joel and I, for the past week or so, we have been reminiscing about the good ol' days. More specifically, Hasbro's WWF Figures.

These figures were the shit. In my world they were in a winner take all death-tie with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT) figures. Both figures were equally enjoyable and addicting to collect, baby crack, the only real difference - TMNT were cartoon characters. WWF wrestlers were real, half naked men.

Now, those figures being based off of real men in tights, that had nothing to do with the enjoyment, I'm not really sure why I brought that up. I guess in hindsight, I find it weird that oiled-up, speedo-sportin', future alcoholic-druggies were the choice toy for the male population from 1990 to 1994. Or maybe its not weird at all. That WWF - the years from 1988 to 1993 - that was some good raslin'.

I thought the world was going to end, seriously, I thought god was going to come down and punch the Earth when Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior faced off at Wrestlemania VI, in 1990. I felt like a mother of two with one meal trying to figure out what child I loved more. Was I going to feed the all American kid? The kid that eats his vitamins and says his prayers? Or was I was going to feed the kid that I loved and feared at the same time because he wore face make-up and talked to the gods?

I forget who I picked. I blacked-out 5 minutes into the match due to my brain exploding with confusion and soda. I woke up in a hospital bed, I asked the doctor who won, he said "Well son, the man they call the Warrior won. I bet your happy." I wasn't sure if I was happy or not. I threw-up, I didn't know what to make of it.

Also during this time we witnessed the birth of The Undertaker. Although, in recent years The Undertaker is less a man-of-death and more of a hells angel, nothing beats his first few years in WWF's squared circle. When he first arrived I truly believed the man was not of this world, or life. From the creepy-ass entrance music to his bloated, pasty-white manager, Paul Bearer - The Undertaker made me afraid, very afraid. I think it was the way he rolled his eyes in the back of his head as he pinned his opponent after crushing their spine and stealing their soul. No man, woman, nor child can escape from that image buried in their psyche.

This is perhaps the reason for, at least my reason, franticly wanting these action figures. As odd as it my be, the wwf has impacted my life. Without it, I wouldn't know the rush one gets after DDT-ing their younger brother. The WWF allowed me to experience the neck-snaping of a clothes-line, the helluva-of-a-ginker of a knee drop. Without the WWF, I would not smack my elbow twice warning my friends of a impending elbow drop.

Thank you WWF. Not only do you entertain the masses, you show us how to grow.

Last night we received our first engagement presents. Although I would have preferred toys, something music related, or a powerbook - our new dip bowls, chip bowl, and cheese dish are equally awesome. It's sort of scary, I have never owned my own bowl or dish to put cheese, dip, or chips in or on. I just was, what I considered, savvy and used the chip bag as a bowl, and the container the dip came in, yup I used that too.

Also, last night, we began talking about where we would "register." And during these talks I learned about a scanning gun. The idea behind the gun - you shoot the items you want. I just need 5 minutes alone with the gun, 5 minutes of magic. But my girlfriend, I mean, fiancee, said no. I couldn't be unsupervised while using the gun.

So instead I registered myself, buy at will.