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Caucasian Translation of the Asian Nation

Saturday, January 21, 2006 by Geoff

^^^^ This is a bit I use to do on my college radio show.

Quick explanation: I find a news article that is in Chinese, well, it could be in any foreign language really. I then take said article and translate it.

Enjoy.

The Wheat Enlightens Chops the Next 35 minute Yao Bright Blood Dyes the Athletic Field Rocket Big Victory (title of article)

Both sides easily again fight, Yao clearly had some spoken language conflicts after the bodily contact, but this certainly did not have can affect the rocket team continues to advance triumphantly, and one created 59-42 competition biggest minute difference. Immediately also by 12-2 assault wave. The final stage rocket one after another scores points, by 65-54 is in the lead 11 minute finished third. Last starts, Yao is clearly dashed by the match with the elbow the eyebrow bone the blood dyes the athletic field, is traded by Howard, but the judgement regarding this looks but not see. Hereafter the wheat enlightened shoulders the attack heavy responsibility, the rocket superiority blind lets the visiting team any turn the plate the hope. Finally, rocket by 91-73 big victory match.

Whole article

Friday, January 20, 2006 by Geoff

New blog design; do not be afraid. I was getting bored of the other one. I need to learn some HTML. Damn, I have to wake up in 5 hours. Night.

Thursday, January 19, 2006 by Geoff

Oh, My

Last night, Lost, did you see it? It wasn't the best episode, but it was good.

-Spoiler alert-

It is army time! We found out about Jack's plan, to get back at the "others," when he asked Ana Lucia, how long it would take to train the "Lostees," to create an army.

Many people on Lost-forum, believe next season, season 3, will be a battle royal for control of the island. That was be sweet.

So (point of post), when Jack mentioned army, I thought G.I. Joe. In turn, I thought action figure. Therefore, I felt a void in my body, a void that I've never felt before, a void that would only be filled with the creation, selling, and consumption of "Lost" Action Figure series.

Yes, I am 24. Yes, I have a lot of action figures, a lot. What can I say? I collect them. Only cool ones.

Henceforth, I would really like to see these figures in production. I NEED 6 inch replicas of Mr. Ecko, complete with scripture-inscribed, beating-stick, and John Locke, complete with hunting knife and boar head. Sorry, their wisdom is not included.

How awesome would that be? They could make the hatch, complete with a special Desmond figure.

There are so many possibilities, they are limitless.

They should also make Arrested Development figures too. That would be cool.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 by Geoff

I got this from my friend, Will; from his blog.
It was/is too good not to share.

'Arrested' developments

"TelevisionWeek (from which I also stole the headline) is reporting that both ABC and Showtime have offered the producers of "Arrested Development" deals to continue the series on their networks. And it's all above board because when Fox reduced this season's order from 22 to 13 episodes, "the reduction triggered a clause in the show's contract enabling producers to shop the series elsewhere," sayeth TVWeek. The producers are said to be "mulling both offers," a one-year deal from ABC and a two-year deal from Showtime, part of the CBS fambly."

Very good news, for us AD fans.

by Geoff

Duff Guy

I had no big MLK, Jr weekend plans. Other then seeing the innards of fellow humans, this weekend was going to be lived moment by moment. And what a moment. Well, actually, it was a you-had-to-be-there type of thing. Do not fret, I will do my best to get you there.

It was Saturday night, January 14, 2006. The abby-normal warm weather in Philly had suddenly ( I mean suddenly) gave way to hurricane like winds from the arctic and wet snowflakes the size and texture of Belgium waffles. . .No. They were the size of pancakes. I AM presently in the mood for some waffles.

Our (our includes: myself, my girlfriend, her 2 friends and my friend Joel) destination was Buffalo Billiards, on Chestnut below 2nd, in olde city. Imagine if you will, pretentious, trendy barfronts strewed across 1776 style Philadelphia. Our reason for said destination was most asinine, I won't bore you.

Inside Buffalo Billiards, as the name implies, is a pool hall slash sports bar slash lounge-upstairs. BB is dimly lit, generously heated (the kind of generous that makes one uncomfortable), and noisy (the noise is create by the patrons and the jukebox).

Ok. Get to the point.

We find a small square table, about 7 feet from the main thruway. The ladies go to the bathroom, living Joel and myself at the table. Enter: 2 drunk tools and a large angry woman (Drunk 1 is on my left and drunk 2 is on my right. The woman belongs to drunk 2). Drunk 1 and Drunk 2 are having the typical drunk tough guy verbal fisticuffs, "Blah, blah. . ." "CocoamoJoe. . ." All the while they are being pushed away from each other by various people. Drunk 1, tries to get through the human barricade to have a more private talk with his enemy. Suddenly, Tank arse, steps up and into drunk 1's face, yelling and screaming. Drunk 1, looks scared and confused. His only reply was "You are so fat, I want to throw-up on you." This guy was pouchy himself.

Joel and I laugh.

More drunken arguing ensues, but something happens. I don't know what it was, I think god whispered something into Drunk 1's ear, because he what he said next was magical. Drunk 1 took a deep breath and said (and I quote):

I WILL HEADBUTT YOU, UNTIL YOU DIE!

The End.

Drunk 2, collapsed out of sheer fear. Joel and I, wet our pants out of fear of god or gods, because we knew these words weren't of earthly origin. These words were from a most divine place. For a moment I had found zen.

I must report, Drunk 1, did not fulfill his promise. There was no death by headbutting, no concussion by headbutt; not even a bruise by headbutt.

I know death is not a form of entertainment. I know this. I also know people, including myself, would pay good money to see Death By HeadButting or DBHB. DBHB would be more entertaining than the WWF, more violent than Real Fighting, and more fulfilling than pro boxing; matches are guaranteed to last at least 2 1/2 to 3 hours.

I believe you are seeing the making of the Vince McMahon of the DBHB world.

Stay Tune.

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The name is Geoff. Give me a job. I already have one, but I want something esle.


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