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Please Kill Me

Thursday, May 04, 2006 by Geoff

"Friends and relatives of Cruz Hernandez’s gathered Wednesday to celebrate her 128th birthday, a milestone that might make her the world’s oldest person."

Full Story

Cool. But I wouldn't want to look like this.

Although she is celebrating her 128th birthday, the last birthday she was alive for was in 1977. I too, like to dig up dead relatives on their birthdays, take pictures of them, and stuff cake in their mouths.

Happy Birthday Old Head.

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Faster than a Speeding Blogger

Tuesday, May 02, 2006 by Geoff

The Superman Returns trailer

From the trailer it looks promising. I hope it keeps it's promise.

Tell Em' What They've Won

by Geoff

1986, that year means a lot to many people, but to me it means two things: It was the year I owned both Atari 2600 and the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). It was also the year I created one of the most well known phrases in popular culture: "Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel."

Since it's inception in 1983, I have always been a huge fan of The Wheel of Fortune. From the get-go I was addicted. For me, it didn't get any better than spinning a big-ass, colorful wheel-o-fun. Then, and still today I sometimes close my eyes while watching the show and just listen to the wheel spinning -- tick, tick, tick, tick, tiick, tiiick, tiiiick, t. . .ick.

I, like every other human realize that THE WHEEL isn't the only draw to The Wheel of Fortune. The fortune, Mr. Sajak, Mrs. White, the puzzles, the letters, the phrase "vowels worth nothing, constants worth . . ." and the glitter -- everything combine, including the wheel, is what mesmerized me in 1983 and still mesmerizes me today.

What about the phrase you invited?

Okay, okay . . .

It was March of 1986, I was at the hair salon getting my sides done. The Phil Donahue Show was on TV. Phil went to commercial. At first I thought the vibrations from the hair clippers were dislodging my brain, making me see things. But I knew things this glorious could not result from minor brain damage. I asked my stylist if she saw the same thing . . .she did! The Wheel of Fortune was coming to our city! I asked my stylist to quickly finish up. I had things to do.

Two months later. I got a spot on The Wheel of Fortune.

First though, let me preface this with some facts: Before I uttered my now infamous words people would ask for an A,E,I,O, or U just like they did with the constants.
But I, Gary Darnriff, thought vowels were something special, they needed to be asked for in a special way. For Christ's sake, they cost money!

The big day arrived. My suit was pressed. My shirt was starched. My moustache was trimmed. I was looking good.

I remembered feeling the grace of God's hand holding me as I enter onto the stage. Goose-pimples covered my body as a took in the most glorious sight I had ever laid my eyes upon. Everything on the set was shiny and new, just like Christmas morning. My lip quivered with joy. Pat Sajak was standing in front of me. A single tear trickled down my cheek. Mr. Sajak offered me his hanky. Neither of us spoke a word. I knew that day was going to be special.

With five minutes to go before the wheel's final spin, it was my turn. I was $500 behind the second place contestant. I spun. $200. I asked for a K. There were 3. I knew it was time. Sweat glistened off my upper lip. I took a deep breath. I turned to Pat and said, "Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel. An A!" The studio was silent, the only sound came from the hot-as-hell stage lights from above. Pat smiled and said "There is one A!" I smiled and everyone applauded.

I knew my life would never be the same.

Fcukin' Aye

Monday, May 01, 2006 by Geoff

Super Friends + Office Space = 3.14

Get this video and more at MySpace.com


The name is Geoff. Give me a job. I already have one, but I want something esle.


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