One on One with Scooter the Muppet Baby
In an exclusive, all-you-can-eat interview, Scooter the Muppet Baby breaks the very long, and awkward silence concerning what really happened in that room.
Geliophobia: What really happened in that nursery?
Scooter: Lots of horrible things...
G: Like?
S: We were locked in 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We had no working bathroom, so we used the floor.
G: The stench, it must have been rancid.
S: It was. And Animal the Muppet baby, being the feral thing that he was, would roll around in our collection of poo. It was awful.
G: No, doubt about it. Tell me, what are you?
S: A science experiment gone wrong. We all were. Nanny and her friends were trying to make super hybrid humanimals. I was a combination of a human and...and...I think...a sponge. Needless to say, in the eyes of Nanny and company, we were complete failures. Take Gonzo the Muppet baby, he was a combination of a weirdo and a silly straw.
G: You mention Nanny, what can you tell us about her?
S:...
G: It's okay, take a deep breath.
S:...
G: Take your time.
S: ...She, she was a wonderfully awful woman. She had us believe she was our friend, she had us believe she cared and loved us. She told us she loved us so much that she had to not feed us, not bath us. She said her love was so strong that's why she punched us, kicked us, and cut pieces of our body to sample. She said love is pain. She said it was okay that...that she touched me where I pee....
G: Oh, god. That is awful.
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Geliophobia: What really happened in that nursery?
Scooter: Lots of horrible things...
G: Like?
S: We were locked in 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We had no working bathroom, so we used the floor.
G: The stench, it must have been rancid.
S: It was. And Animal the Muppet baby, being the feral thing that he was, would roll around in our collection of poo. It was awful.
G: No, doubt about it. Tell me, what are you?
S: A science experiment gone wrong. We all were. Nanny and her friends were trying to make super hybrid humanimals. I was a combination of a human and...and...I think...a sponge. Needless to say, in the eyes of Nanny and company, we were complete failures. Take Gonzo the Muppet baby, he was a combination of a weirdo and a silly straw.
G: You mention Nanny, what can you tell us about her?
S:...
G: It's okay, take a deep breath.
S:...
G: Take your time.
S: ...She, she was a wonderfully awful woman. She had us believe she was our friend, she had us believe she cared and loved us. She told us she loved us so much that she had to not feed us, not bath us. She said her love was so strong that's why she punched us, kicked us, and cut pieces of our body to sample. She said love is pain. She said it was okay that...that she touched me where I pee....
G: Oh, god. That is awful.
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This entry was posted by Geoff, on
Tuesday, November 21, 2006.
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